I usually blog for therapy. Some of the things that I see and hear are just too much for anyone to believe, so I blog. Not only to share my story, but also just to help me process my day.
In general this week has been kinda quiet. Quiet is obviously open for interpretation. Compared to Timmy's story, quiet.
Speaking of Timmy. We have seen him numerous times this week. He continue to looks better. Still a bit quiet, but he is smiling and into everything. His therapist is back at the school and can hopefully get him to open up a bit about some of things that have happened. The social workers are trying to get him placed "officially" placed with the teacher that he is now staying with. The mom still doesn't object, but would really like him to stay in Ocean View. I call the detectives weekly to see what's happening with the case and I only get, "be patient, we have other cases." This will be a long slow road.
We continue to hear and feel the need for a safe house. The problem is there is such a need that one will fill up so fast that you won't even know it. There is a need for boys and girls like Timmy. There is a need for abused women. Just this week we had a lady escape from her abusive boyfriend of 10+ years. When I say escape, I mean escape. She had a small window, gathered what she could and made a run for it. Problem is there was nowhere for her to go. There is a need for young abused girls, in another case that has been going on for weeks, a young high school girl tried to commit suicide. She was brought to us and discovered that she was being raped by a family member. She was placed with a teacher and the family found out where. They gave her so much grief she could no longer keep the young girl. We were told by social services to back off because they had it under control. On a visit to the school this week, we were told she had tried suicide again and she was in hospital. They didn't have it under control. What they have is a girl who needs a safe house.
I will begin starting to research this more and try to come up with a plan that I can pass a long.
I received a list from the High School this week of about 20+ names of children that started school at the beginning of the year, but didn't come back after the mid year holidays. One young lady was 14 and had a premature baby at 7 months. Due to complications the baby died at one month. Fourteen year old has baby and loses baby. Drops out of school and has never talked with anyone about what happened. We found her by "accident" trying to round up students to go back to school. She says she doesn't want to talk about it, but hopefully in the coming weeks we can connect her with a trauma counselor. She has agreed to let us come back. That was the second girl on our list with a baby. We also found two young men, who want to be in school, but were expelled because of grades or behavior problems. Now they have to sit and wait for 6 months until they can go back. What are the percentages that in 6 months they will still want to go back? Very low. Trying to come up with a way to stay in touch with them on a weekly basis.
We also met with the therapist at the LSEN school where Timmy goes. We also got a list from her of about 15 kids that are in situations similar to Timmy's. Some very bad and some not so bad. We have been asked by social services and the school to follow up with the list to see whats happening in each of the cases. I will blog more about ease case as we discover what's going on, but my suspicion is we will find another list of candidates for a safe house.
That's it for my Saturday Therapy session today. Will keep you posted.
Next blog.......Visas :(
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
My day with Timmy!
This is from Andrea: I haven't seen Timmy since this latest incident. I couldn't actually picture him the way Shelby was telling me he was acting. All I know of Timmy is this incredibly tender hearted little boy. He is ALWAYS smiling, always giving hugs. He talks and laughs and runs around and plays. He loves the other kids, he loves our dog. He LOVES to eat.
Today Nicole and I went to pick him up after church. He silently got into the car and the first thing I noticed is no smile and his eyes looked like he was drugged. He had a far off distant, dislocated look. He barely acknowledged us when we said hi. I then asked if I could give him a hug, he crawled forward and hugged me and started to cry, I think he would have hugged as long as I would have let him. Next thing I noticed is he was visibly shaking. His whole body was shaking violently.
We tried to engage him in conversation and he just wasn't speaking. We took him to eat and he definitely wanted to order food, so he got fish and chips. His food came and he picked up a cucumber slice and kind of licked it. He touched NOTHING else on his plate!!! He then sat back and fell asleep in his chair, at the table, in the noisy restaurant.
We needed to do some grocery shopping so we got a cart and put him in it, he slept the entire time we shopped! We walked thru the shopping center and he never got out of the cart. He slept on and off between going into shops. I would say he slept 80% of the time we had him out. When he wasn't sleeping he was silently weeping. He slept and cried. He was NOT Timmy!
It made me angry! ANGRY!!! I know this is post traumatic stress syndrome, but what I dont understand is what kind of abuse does a child have to endure to disconnect, to just shut off from the world and sleep. He is a 12 year old boy trapped in a 7 year old body with the mind of a 5 year old and we pushed his weeping, sleeping body around in a grocery cart!
It's hard to see our little buddy suffering! My heart breaks and I want to do better for him. I want the system to do better. We need to do better for him and all the other little boys that are just like Timmy. There is NEED, we have VISION, whose with me?
Today Nicole and I went to pick him up after church. He silently got into the car and the first thing I noticed is no smile and his eyes looked like he was drugged. He had a far off distant, dislocated look. He barely acknowledged us when we said hi. I then asked if I could give him a hug, he crawled forward and hugged me and started to cry, I think he would have hugged as long as I would have let him. Next thing I noticed is he was visibly shaking. His whole body was shaking violently.
We tried to engage him in conversation and he just wasn't speaking. We took him to eat and he definitely wanted to order food, so he got fish and chips. His food came and he picked up a cucumber slice and kind of licked it. He touched NOTHING else on his plate!!! He then sat back and fell asleep in his chair, at the table, in the noisy restaurant.
We needed to do some grocery shopping so we got a cart and put him in it, he slept the entire time we shopped! We walked thru the shopping center and he never got out of the cart. He slept on and off between going into shops. I would say he slept 80% of the time we had him out. When he wasn't sleeping he was silently weeping. He slept and cried. He was NOT Timmy!
It made me angry! ANGRY!!! I know this is post traumatic stress syndrome, but what I dont understand is what kind of abuse does a child have to endure to disconnect, to just shut off from the world and sleep. He is a 12 year old boy trapped in a 7 year old body with the mind of a 5 year old and we pushed his weeping, sleeping body around in a grocery cart!
It's hard to see our little buddy suffering! My heart breaks and I want to do better for him. I want the system to do better. We need to do better for him and all the other little boys that are just like Timmy. There is NEED, we have VISION, whose with me?
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Timmy - there's no catchy title
It's Saturday here. We were awake and planning our day. The family was excited to hang out with Timmy. Should we go to the beach or to the park. Never made up our mind, but decided to go and pick him up and head to the mall for a few errands. Not knowing what would be in store.
We went to the safety house. The man came out and told me that Timmy wasn't there. His mom came and picked him up to take him to the doctor. Apparently he was still sick from a fight that he had at school the other day.
I decided to go to the hosipital and make sure there was nothing that I could do to help. On my way there, I got a text saying, "Hey, Timmy is at the yellow house and upset. He can stay here as long as he needs during the day. Shall I tell him you're on your way?" "YES" was my reply. I had already phoned one of my co-workers to see what he thought and he said as long as she did take him to the hospital then it all seems ok, but if for some reason he didn't go, than we have a problem.(She had never taken him to the hospital!)
On the way back to the yellow house I called another co-worker to see if he was around and could come help me translate to Timmy. He was out of town but gave me the name of some ladies around the house that could help me.
We spent about an hour with Timmy. It was visible to everyone that something was wrong. Nothing was the same. Gone was the smiley, excited, talkative boy that I had come to know. Today he cried, non stop for hours. He was quiet. He was mixing up days and events. Remember, Timmy is 12 with the mind of preschooler. Coco spoke with him while I started making phone calls. What to do and who to call. I called my co worker, he said to start with the after hours social worker. They were not much help. Unless there was something that happened at the safe house, there would be no need to remove him from there. Until Timmy was able to explain what happened there was not much anyone could do.
I wasn't getting very far with Timmy. All I knew is that his mom picked him up and he never went to hospital. The lady translating said there was clearly something, but Timmy wasn't talking. I drove quickly to the safe house and made it clear, to the person that he was staying with, that under no circumstances was he allowed to leave with the mother until we spoke with his case worker on Monday. I told him we were taking Timmy out for the afternoon and would be back in a couple of house.
Back at the yellow house, we got Timmy and he sat in the front seat. This never happens. He always rides in the back and coco rides shotgun. Not a huge thing, but again just clear that something was off. On the way to the mall, I told him that I had his back and wanted to do what ever we could to keep him safe, but I needed to know who the bad guys were. He told me he didn't want to play with Larry any more. I said did you play with Larry today? "yes". Were you playing the same game that you were playing last time I caught you guys? "yes". At his house? "yes". " Now that you told me we are going to have to tell some other people, but you just have to tell them the same thing you told me ok?" "ok" he said.
I called the SVU detective that took my statement on Friday. He was out, but the other officer told me I must first go to the police station and they would take a statement and then call them if they needed to. I called the truma room counselor who I had spoken with about the case already. She said nothing to eat or drink and that his body was evidence and she would meet me at the police station in 30 minutes. I had coco give Timmy some music to listen to with headphones so that he couldnt hear the conversations I was having on the phone. He fell asleep before we reached the station.
At the station, the SVU detective showed up. At this stage unless he heard from Timmy directly there was nothing he could do. He left. Timmy was now not talking at all, to anyone. I went to get the man where Timmy was staying to see if he could help. He was technically the temporary guardian. They wanted me to get the mom, but I didn't think that was wise. I had gotten reports that she was trying to find Timmy. Eventually, they called in another counselor/social worker and after about 45 mins they sent Timmy out. I went into the office and she said Timmy confirmed that he had been raped again yesterday by the same boy from the first time. She also said Timmy told his mother what had happened.
Now that there was another confession to a social worker, the SVU ordered a Doctor to do an examination. We proceeded to make the 45 minute drive to the hospital. We tried to buy him food, but he couldn't eat. By now, I think its around 5:00PM. Timmy fell asleep for about the forth time. If he was awake he was crying.
The Doctor visit was short, about an hour maybe in total. The Dr. confirmed that there was evidence of trauma. The SVU dectective said that they would meet with Timmy and try to get a statement from him on Monday and possibly even speak with the perpetrator.
So, what does a win look like if if Larry is convicted? He will spend two weeks at an after school program for sexual offenders for 2 hours each day. Thats it, THE END!.
What happens to Timmy? At this moment that decision will be up to social services, I think. Their last statement to me was the only place for him to go long term would be an instituation, where more than likely he will continue to be raped by strangers.Yep, that was their answer!!!
Why do I share this story? This is only 1 story in an area of about 50,000 people. It's only one story that I know about. But this story literally happened right in front of me. This is not the only other rape case, we have a handful of them just from the past few weeks! This is a huge deal. What makes Timmy's case even tougher for me to swallow is that he is also mentally handicapped and has the mind of a 4-5 year old. The principal from the school Timmy's school told me there are at least another 6 cases, like Timmy's, at the school. Social workers have told me there at least another 12 cases there. We need a solution to protect these children. Any list that I have ever seen, that is used to judge which children are the most vulnerable automatically put mentally and physically challenged children at the top of the list.
Please won't you pray with us. Pray for the funds to start an immediate safe house specifically for mentally disabled children. This is just a start, but for the moment we need to start with the most vulnerable. We could definitely fill about 5-6 safe houses immediately with the abuse cases in our area. There are at least a dozen cases that need immediate removal, that are still in the same abusive environments because there is no where for them to remove the child too. Let that sink in for a moment. These kids need to be removed, it is dangerous and unsafe but could take up to 6 months before they have a safe home to be removed to.
Pray and share this story! Tell people you know to pray! We need help with this we cant do it ourselves. Now that we know we must act!
We went to the safety house. The man came out and told me that Timmy wasn't there. His mom came and picked him up to take him to the doctor. Apparently he was still sick from a fight that he had at school the other day.
I decided to go to the hosipital and make sure there was nothing that I could do to help. On my way there, I got a text saying, "Hey, Timmy is at the yellow house and upset. He can stay here as long as he needs during the day. Shall I tell him you're on your way?" "YES" was my reply. I had already phoned one of my co-workers to see what he thought and he said as long as she did take him to the hospital then it all seems ok, but if for some reason he didn't go, than we have a problem.(She had never taken him to the hospital!)
On the way back to the yellow house I called another co-worker to see if he was around and could come help me translate to Timmy. He was out of town but gave me the name of some ladies around the house that could help me.
We spent about an hour with Timmy. It was visible to everyone that something was wrong. Nothing was the same. Gone was the smiley, excited, talkative boy that I had come to know. Today he cried, non stop for hours. He was quiet. He was mixing up days and events. Remember, Timmy is 12 with the mind of preschooler. Coco spoke with him while I started making phone calls. What to do and who to call. I called my co worker, he said to start with the after hours social worker. They were not much help. Unless there was something that happened at the safe house, there would be no need to remove him from there. Until Timmy was able to explain what happened there was not much anyone could do.
I wasn't getting very far with Timmy. All I knew is that his mom picked him up and he never went to hospital. The lady translating said there was clearly something, but Timmy wasn't talking. I drove quickly to the safe house and made it clear, to the person that he was staying with, that under no circumstances was he allowed to leave with the mother until we spoke with his case worker on Monday. I told him we were taking Timmy out for the afternoon and would be back in a couple of house.
Back at the yellow house, we got Timmy and he sat in the front seat. This never happens. He always rides in the back and coco rides shotgun. Not a huge thing, but again just clear that something was off. On the way to the mall, I told him that I had his back and wanted to do what ever we could to keep him safe, but I needed to know who the bad guys were. He told me he didn't want to play with Larry any more. I said did you play with Larry today? "yes". Were you playing the same game that you were playing last time I caught you guys? "yes". At his house? "yes". " Now that you told me we are going to have to tell some other people, but you just have to tell them the same thing you told me ok?" "ok" he said.
I called the SVU detective that took my statement on Friday. He was out, but the other officer told me I must first go to the police station and they would take a statement and then call them if they needed to. I called the truma room counselor who I had spoken with about the case already. She said nothing to eat or drink and that his body was evidence and she would meet me at the police station in 30 minutes. I had coco give Timmy some music to listen to with headphones so that he couldnt hear the conversations I was having on the phone. He fell asleep before we reached the station.
At the station, the SVU detective showed up. At this stage unless he heard from Timmy directly there was nothing he could do. He left. Timmy was now not talking at all, to anyone. I went to get the man where Timmy was staying to see if he could help. He was technically the temporary guardian. They wanted me to get the mom, but I didn't think that was wise. I had gotten reports that she was trying to find Timmy. Eventually, they called in another counselor/social worker and after about 45 mins they sent Timmy out. I went into the office and she said Timmy confirmed that he had been raped again yesterday by the same boy from the first time. She also said Timmy told his mother what had happened.
Now that there was another confession to a social worker, the SVU ordered a Doctor to do an examination. We proceeded to make the 45 minute drive to the hospital. We tried to buy him food, but he couldn't eat. By now, I think its around 5:00PM. Timmy fell asleep for about the forth time. If he was awake he was crying.
The Doctor visit was short, about an hour maybe in total. The Dr. confirmed that there was evidence of trauma. The SVU dectective said that they would meet with Timmy and try to get a statement from him on Monday and possibly even speak with the perpetrator.
So, what does a win look like if if Larry is convicted? He will spend two weeks at an after school program for sexual offenders for 2 hours each day. Thats it, THE END!.
What happens to Timmy? At this moment that decision will be up to social services, I think. Their last statement to me was the only place for him to go long term would be an instituation, where more than likely he will continue to be raped by strangers.Yep, that was their answer!!!
Why do I share this story? This is only 1 story in an area of about 50,000 people. It's only one story that I know about. But this story literally happened right in front of me. This is not the only other rape case, we have a handful of them just from the past few weeks! This is a huge deal. What makes Timmy's case even tougher for me to swallow is that he is also mentally handicapped and has the mind of a 4-5 year old. The principal from the school Timmy's school told me there are at least another 6 cases, like Timmy's, at the school. Social workers have told me there at least another 12 cases there. We need a solution to protect these children. Any list that I have ever seen, that is used to judge which children are the most vulnerable automatically put mentally and physically challenged children at the top of the list.
Please won't you pray with us. Pray for the funds to start an immediate safe house specifically for mentally disabled children. This is just a start, but for the moment we need to start with the most vulnerable. We could definitely fill about 5-6 safe houses immediately with the abuse cases in our area. There are at least a dozen cases that need immediate removal, that are still in the same abusive environments because there is no where for them to remove the child too. Let that sink in for a moment. These kids need to be removed, it is dangerous and unsafe but could take up to 6 months before they have a safe home to be removed to.
Pray and share this story! Tell people you know to pray! We need help with this we cant do it ourselves. Now that we know we must act!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
The Meeting
2 shootings, in 2 weeks, blocks away from where we work. A guy that we have been praying for for weeks. To get right and quit doing what he is doing or get out. First shooting was unsuccessful drive by attempt in which 3 people were shot and one killed.
This weekend, details are a bit sketchy, but it seems this gang retaliated for the shooting last week. They shot one man in face and then a chase happened back to the house from the previous shooting. Now mob justice takes over and the community attacks the guys house in an effort to stop the violence. Police finally arrive and escort the family to safety.
There is a girl on our team whose parents are missionaries in Columbia. They have been praying for this particular man and had a verse and a word that they wanted to share.
When asked who wanted to go to the house and share, 2 people raised their hands. I was one of them. I am not sure that I can even explain why. My wife said I am either really brave or really stupid. I think its more that I know the hurt and pain this man is causing people and families where we are trying to help. Imagine would could happen if God got a hold of this guy. Nothings impossible right. At least that's what we say, time to start practicing it.
We went to the house. A man meets us at the gate. Wants to know what we want. We have a word for Andrew (not real name). He wants to see it. My partner says no, it must be hand delivered. He says we don't need you coming here and telling us how wrong we are and how bad we are. Andrew doesn't need to hear those things. This is a difficult time for us right now. We explained thats not who we are and not why we are here. We have been praying for Andrew and explained how this scripture came from a lady 1/2 way around the world. Andrew came up from behind house. He had walked around from a back door. He shook our hands and said thanks, but it wasn't safe for us to be outside. He walked back away the way he came.
I went back later. Some of his guys were working on the house. I brought them some bread and cool drink. Told them that we would like to come around every week and chat with them maybe even do a Bible study with them. I told them to ask Andrew and we would come back by.
Today we go back. It's raining. No standing outside. Maybe the rain would help us get inside. We heard that maybe Andrew was in jail so I stopped by to ask the guys. They said no he was inside, just busy. Said to come back in 30 minutes. Came back with the same guy who came with me yesterday. There is a big gate, like a garage door. A man standing just inside. We walk up. He looks back to someone else who says ok and he opens the gate to let us in. He directs us away from a crazy looking dog sitting in the corner and stands between us and the dog. There are 6-7 guys in here. Its basically a part of the yard that has been concreted and covered with a cheap roof. One that leaks badly. Most of these guys look like boys. Maybe late teens early 20's. One goes off and brings back another older man. I would say he's in charge. We said we wanted to follow up with Andrew. He brings into another room. This now seems like an actual garage. There is a bed on the floor and a sink in the corner. He sits and says Andrew is busy today. Dealing with insurance claims that happened to his house and car at the riots over the weekend. We ask if we can make an appointment to see him tomorrow. He calls someone in to sit with us as he goes back into the house. He comes back and we agree to return again tomorrow at 12:30
Pray. Pray hard for the salvation of this man. The word kingpin is an understatement. Pray for words of wisdom as we meet tomorrow. There are lives literally in the balance as there seems to be another battle brewing for this weekend.
This weekend, details are a bit sketchy, but it seems this gang retaliated for the shooting last week. They shot one man in face and then a chase happened back to the house from the previous shooting. Now mob justice takes over and the community attacks the guys house in an effort to stop the violence. Police finally arrive and escort the family to safety.
There is a girl on our team whose parents are missionaries in Columbia. They have been praying for this particular man and had a verse and a word that they wanted to share.
When asked who wanted to go to the house and share, 2 people raised their hands. I was one of them. I am not sure that I can even explain why. My wife said I am either really brave or really stupid. I think its more that I know the hurt and pain this man is causing people and families where we are trying to help. Imagine would could happen if God got a hold of this guy. Nothings impossible right. At least that's what we say, time to start practicing it.
We went to the house. A man meets us at the gate. Wants to know what we want. We have a word for Andrew (not real name). He wants to see it. My partner says no, it must be hand delivered. He says we don't need you coming here and telling us how wrong we are and how bad we are. Andrew doesn't need to hear those things. This is a difficult time for us right now. We explained thats not who we are and not why we are here. We have been praying for Andrew and explained how this scripture came from a lady 1/2 way around the world. Andrew came up from behind house. He had walked around from a back door. He shook our hands and said thanks, but it wasn't safe for us to be outside. He walked back away the way he came.
I went back later. Some of his guys were working on the house. I brought them some bread and cool drink. Told them that we would like to come around every week and chat with them maybe even do a Bible study with them. I told them to ask Andrew and we would come back by.
Today we go back. It's raining. No standing outside. Maybe the rain would help us get inside. We heard that maybe Andrew was in jail so I stopped by to ask the guys. They said no he was inside, just busy. Said to come back in 30 minutes. Came back with the same guy who came with me yesterday. There is a big gate, like a garage door. A man standing just inside. We walk up. He looks back to someone else who says ok and he opens the gate to let us in. He directs us away from a crazy looking dog sitting in the corner and stands between us and the dog. There are 6-7 guys in here. Its basically a part of the yard that has been concreted and covered with a cheap roof. One that leaks badly. Most of these guys look like boys. Maybe late teens early 20's. One goes off and brings back another older man. I would say he's in charge. We said we wanted to follow up with Andrew. He brings into another room. This now seems like an actual garage. There is a bed on the floor and a sink in the corner. He sits and says Andrew is busy today. Dealing with insurance claims that happened to his house and car at the riots over the weekend. We ask if we can make an appointment to see him tomorrow. He calls someone in to sit with us as he goes back into the house. He comes back and we agree to return again tomorrow at 12:30
Pray. Pray hard for the salvation of this man. The word kingpin is an understatement. Pray for words of wisdom as we meet tomorrow. There are lives literally in the balance as there seems to be another battle brewing for this weekend.
Timmy - week 2
Its been 2 weeks. It seems like yesterday.
We have seen Timmy on various occasions. Not every day anymore. He was shy and awkward at first. Now he runs, with arms wide open.
The shock of the story for me is the Timmy is sleeping at home again. Sleeping in the same, 2 bedroom apartment as the perpetrator. I can't explain it anymore than I can do anything about it. There are no safe houses. No safe places. No places for Timmy except an institution. The sad reality is there are at least another dozen emergency cases where children need to be removed, another 2-3 dozen that the best case scenario is for the child to be removed although its not an emergency like Timmy.
It is a battle that is difficult to fight much less even think about winning. A social welfare department that is extremly over worked and under paid. The average case load is meant to be 60, these guys have a 100+. There are suppossed to be about 10 for Ocean View, there are 5. Not to mention there is no juvenile justice system here at all. What cases there are that go to court get dismissed because they only involve minors. So the cycle just continues. Its almost hopeless. If you take God out of the equation it is absoluety impossible for me to imagine a sceanario where this gets better for anyone.
And because we serve a God of the impossible, I will continue, one child at a time, to make a difference. Helping, protecting, and fighting for the innocent.
Please pray. For South Africa, for Ocean View, for Timmy and the countless other victims of child sodomy.
As for Timmy. Much of what happened has taken place during the 3 week school holiday here. Many people were on leave including people that I work with. I briefed one of the leaders of the organization that I work with yesterday and he said because this happened on our property that we must file protocol and report this to the proper authorities. Its very normal for families in this situation to simply move on and never report this as a crime.
So yesterday I began making phone calls. The person I was trying to reach was also on leave. Another officer told me a detective would call me back. He didn't. Today I tried to reach the same officer only to a Colonel tell me there was nothing they could do and I just need to go to the police station with the parent.
Now I drive to the police station. Inside there is a group that runs the Trauma room. The trauma room is basically a counseling room inside the police station. They deal directly with the "special victims unit" (and no its nothing like on the tv show). While I was giving her the information she called in a detective for a second opinion. He agreed that something needed to be done, but the didn't handle these cases only the SVU. She called to speak with someone. She handed me the phone to give him details. He asked if I could bring Timmy and his mom to their office and I said no. She lives with the perpetrator's family, shes not going to file a charge. So tomorrow morning we are supposed to meet at Timmy's school. He wants to hear from Timmy directly I guess. I am holding thumbs that he will even show up. No one wants to deal with this.
I saw it. I have to do something. We came to serve the least, the last, and the lost. Timmy is all 3 of those. Please pray. I am at a loss for what the long term solution is.....I am actually at a loss for what the short term solution. Please also pray for our safety as we move forward with this. No one likes the whistle blower.
Shelby
We have seen Timmy on various occasions. Not every day anymore. He was shy and awkward at first. Now he runs, with arms wide open.
The shock of the story for me is the Timmy is sleeping at home again. Sleeping in the same, 2 bedroom apartment as the perpetrator. I can't explain it anymore than I can do anything about it. There are no safe houses. No safe places. No places for Timmy except an institution. The sad reality is there are at least another dozen emergency cases where children need to be removed, another 2-3 dozen that the best case scenario is for the child to be removed although its not an emergency like Timmy.
It is a battle that is difficult to fight much less even think about winning. A social welfare department that is extremly over worked and under paid. The average case load is meant to be 60, these guys have a 100+. There are suppossed to be about 10 for Ocean View, there are 5. Not to mention there is no juvenile justice system here at all. What cases there are that go to court get dismissed because they only involve minors. So the cycle just continues. Its almost hopeless. If you take God out of the equation it is absoluety impossible for me to imagine a sceanario where this gets better for anyone.
And because we serve a God of the impossible, I will continue, one child at a time, to make a difference. Helping, protecting, and fighting for the innocent.
Please pray. For South Africa, for Ocean View, for Timmy and the countless other victims of child sodomy.
As for Timmy. Much of what happened has taken place during the 3 week school holiday here. Many people were on leave including people that I work with. I briefed one of the leaders of the organization that I work with yesterday and he said because this happened on our property that we must file protocol and report this to the proper authorities. Its very normal for families in this situation to simply move on and never report this as a crime.
So yesterday I began making phone calls. The person I was trying to reach was also on leave. Another officer told me a detective would call me back. He didn't. Today I tried to reach the same officer only to a Colonel tell me there was nothing they could do and I just need to go to the police station with the parent.
Now I drive to the police station. Inside there is a group that runs the Trauma room. The trauma room is basically a counseling room inside the police station. They deal directly with the "special victims unit" (and no its nothing like on the tv show). While I was giving her the information she called in a detective for a second opinion. He agreed that something needed to be done, but the didn't handle these cases only the SVU. She called to speak with someone. She handed me the phone to give him details. He asked if I could bring Timmy and his mom to their office and I said no. She lives with the perpetrator's family, shes not going to file a charge. So tomorrow morning we are supposed to meet at Timmy's school. He wants to hear from Timmy directly I guess. I am holding thumbs that he will even show up. No one wants to deal with this.
I saw it. I have to do something. We came to serve the least, the last, and the lost. Timmy is all 3 of those. Please pray. I am at a loss for what the long term solution is.....I am actually at a loss for what the short term solution. Please also pray for our safety as we move forward with this. No one likes the whistle blower.
Shelby
Friday, July 5, 2013
the morning after
Yesterday was a pretty crazy day. Watching my American friends attempt to light some fireworks in the hectic wind and the sand helped me to forget about it for a little while. Returning home my thoughts turned to Larry and his contagious smile. The smile that wasn't there as I drove away from the social worker.
This morning I go back to the social worker to let her know about my conversation with Timmy's (victim) mom. She had already been there a whole 30 minutes early. She didn't even contest the removal. Which is good news because it means at this stage the court doesn't have to get involved. Which gives the social workers time to access the situation and see what the options are. It a temporary win for now, but we are still praying for a long term win for Timmy. Home at least for right now, cannot be the only option.
One thing that the social worker said to me yesterday has been stuck in my head. If no one works with the perpetrators the cycle will never stop. They will just find another victim. One of the perpetrators, Larry, mother had told me yesterday that she also wanted help for him because he was also the victim in another recent sexual assault. I told her I would make some calls and try to find someone.
So today my goals were to see Timmy, find help for Larry, and try and connect with Wally's family. Wally, as of yesterday was still denying any involvement at all. Saying that the reason he was naked was to use the bathroom.
I went to a school where a friend of mine was running a holiday club for the kids with a team of youth from his home church in PA. This friend is very qualified in counseling and has already agreed to see one of my victims in another case. I approached him today about meeting with one of the perpetrators in my new case and he agreed. That's good news.
Next I wanted to head to the other holiday club where I was hoping they might have brought Timmy today. However there was no one there. I decided to go back to social services and see if they would let me know where he was staying so I go see him. We checked in at the front desk and sat down in the waiting room (whatever you are picturing in you head at this moment is much more glamorous I can assure you). Sorry, I keep saying we. We have a wonderful friend from the states here visiting with us for 2 months. Her name is Nicole. She is working alongside me in Ocean View with one of the ministries that work out of the yellow house called Baby Safe. During the holidays here everything slows down a little bit and so she and I have been working together on some cases. So, we sat down and much to our surprise Timmy came running around the corner. I guess he heard us speaking to the receptionist. His smile was back as he held up this huge toy car. He disappeared again around the corner but we could hear the noise of his car. He stuck his head back around and said the social worker was calling for me. The man where he is staying was in the office and she introduced us. He said we must have been the people that he kept talking about. Brie had made a cake yesterday and before he left the house we gave him a piece. Apparently he really likes chocolate cake. We asked if the mom had delivered any of his things yet and they said no. We noticed he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. We exchanged phone numbers and address with the man and told him we were going to go and get some things and then be back later in the afternoon. Timmy wanted to go with us but I told him we would see him later. As difficult as it is we can make things so good for him that he no longer wants to go back home or to the safe house or anywhere. So there are times that we will do things to help distract them, but for the most part its better to be as hands off as possible and allow him to connect to those he is staying with. Yesterday, may have been a bit too much. I have a connection with a couple of agencies that offer clothing for free, but Coco instead on letting them keep that for another time and she wanted to shop for Timmy.
So we left Timmy again with the promise that we would be back. He tried to follow us to the car and we explained the plan again. We headed to try and find Larry's mom. We had tried about 3 times already, but she either wasn't home or she was sleeping. This time when we knocked on the door we were greeted by a man. He was a grumpy man. He was a scary man. He seemed a bit agitated. Why was I looking for Larry's mom, who was I, what did I want. After a few minutes of explaining, he asked us to come inside. We sat down, he stood up. I still wasn't convinced he was happy we were there. I informed him that we had found a counselor that was willing to meet with Larry. That's unnecessary. I am his father and I will deal this. This was the first we knew of a father. He wanted nothing to do with us and certainly didn't need our help. He was still standing over us. Still irritated. He talks, about all sorts of things......apartheid......prison......babies.....boys. We listen. He talks, we listen. He eventually sits down. I breathe a bit easier. Finally, after a lot of listening and a bit of sharing my heart as both a pastor and a father, he agrees to a meeting with our counselor. We laugh, we hug, we talk about American movies, we laugh some more, this time at Coco's hair. It was an hour well spent. One perpetrator on the way to getting help, and maybe also some help for the family.
We head to Wally's. Going up the stairs we pass Wally coming down. No one's home he says. Don't mind me I answer, "I'm just going to double check." Wally has proven to be a liar. Still never admitting he did anything wrong. I knock on the door. A man answers. Questions and answers back and forth. No mom, no dad, just 3 brothers and a sister. 2 are working one is home and Wally just ran down the stairs. This may or may not come as a surprise, but most of these children are raised on the street. Looked after by only their friends. Oh, there are adults around, but this is not a village and there doesn't seem to be much community when it comes to looking after others kids. I have had groups of 5 year old ask me for rides to the mall 15 minutes away. I could have done it and no one would have ever known. I talk briefly about what I saw yesterday and how I would like to get help for Wally, just someone to talk to. Most perpetrators are also victims. He says he will speak to his brother and sister. We shake hands and I tell I will check back next week.
I see Wally on the side of the road messing with a cart that he was made from wood, wheels and some baskets. I ask why he lied about no one being home and he said his brother was sleeping. As we are talking he hears his brother in the distance yelling for him to come home. He is probably heading for a hiding (spanking) I say to Coco.
As we are leaving Ocean View to go shopping we see Timmy again on the side of the road. He tries to get into the car. I try and explain again. I don't think he understands. I will see you soon I say as we drive away.
Coco and my wife do some shopping as I have another meeting. I say maybe we should get something chocolate since he liked the cake so much. We grab some doughnuts. We head back to Ocean View. It took a little bit longer than I expected. About 3 hours I think had passed at this point. That was a long time for Timmy, apparently he didn't think we were coming back. All day today when we saw him he had that car from social services. We go inside the house and Coco gives him the clothes. We convince him to change tops. He looks very smart, and clean. The smile is back. We forgot pajamas so we let him know we will stop back by tomorrow. Still no word from his mother, and no other clothes. We hug and say goodbyes again.
We stop back by to remind the mom about dropping off clothes, but she isn't home.
We will see what Saturday brings.
Please continue to pray. Pray for Timmy. That he finds rest and peace at least for this weekend from his troubles. Pray for the abuse to stop. Pray for a long term solution that involves no more abuse.....ever. Pray for Larry and his family, that as we meet with a gifted counselor he can help unpack the pain and the hurt and help heal a family. Pray for Wally and his family to be open to get Wally the help that he needs so we can begin to stop the cycle. Pray for Ocean View, for God to move in spirit and in power. Pray for heeling and for the chains of bondage, abuse, and addiction to be broken.
Thank you saints. This is not a battle against flesh and blood.
This morning I go back to the social worker to let her know about my conversation with Timmy's (victim) mom. She had already been there a whole 30 minutes early. She didn't even contest the removal. Which is good news because it means at this stage the court doesn't have to get involved. Which gives the social workers time to access the situation and see what the options are. It a temporary win for now, but we are still praying for a long term win for Timmy. Home at least for right now, cannot be the only option.
One thing that the social worker said to me yesterday has been stuck in my head. If no one works with the perpetrators the cycle will never stop. They will just find another victim. One of the perpetrators, Larry, mother had told me yesterday that she also wanted help for him because he was also the victim in another recent sexual assault. I told her I would make some calls and try to find someone.
So today my goals were to see Timmy, find help for Larry, and try and connect with Wally's family. Wally, as of yesterday was still denying any involvement at all. Saying that the reason he was naked was to use the bathroom.
I went to a school where a friend of mine was running a holiday club for the kids with a team of youth from his home church in PA. This friend is very qualified in counseling and has already agreed to see one of my victims in another case. I approached him today about meeting with one of the perpetrators in my new case and he agreed. That's good news.
Next I wanted to head to the other holiday club where I was hoping they might have brought Timmy today. However there was no one there. I decided to go back to social services and see if they would let me know where he was staying so I go see him. We checked in at the front desk and sat down in the waiting room (whatever you are picturing in you head at this moment is much more glamorous I can assure you). Sorry, I keep saying we. We have a wonderful friend from the states here visiting with us for 2 months. Her name is Nicole. She is working alongside me in Ocean View with one of the ministries that work out of the yellow house called Baby Safe. During the holidays here everything slows down a little bit and so she and I have been working together on some cases. So, we sat down and much to our surprise Timmy came running around the corner. I guess he heard us speaking to the receptionist. His smile was back as he held up this huge toy car. He disappeared again around the corner but we could hear the noise of his car. He stuck his head back around and said the social worker was calling for me. The man where he is staying was in the office and she introduced us. He said we must have been the people that he kept talking about. Brie had made a cake yesterday and before he left the house we gave him a piece. Apparently he really likes chocolate cake. We asked if the mom had delivered any of his things yet and they said no. We noticed he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. We exchanged phone numbers and address with the man and told him we were going to go and get some things and then be back later in the afternoon. Timmy wanted to go with us but I told him we would see him later. As difficult as it is we can make things so good for him that he no longer wants to go back home or to the safe house or anywhere. So there are times that we will do things to help distract them, but for the most part its better to be as hands off as possible and allow him to connect to those he is staying with. Yesterday, may have been a bit too much. I have a connection with a couple of agencies that offer clothing for free, but Coco instead on letting them keep that for another time and she wanted to shop for Timmy.
So we left Timmy again with the promise that we would be back. He tried to follow us to the car and we explained the plan again. We headed to try and find Larry's mom. We had tried about 3 times already, but she either wasn't home or she was sleeping. This time when we knocked on the door we were greeted by a man. He was a grumpy man. He was a scary man. He seemed a bit agitated. Why was I looking for Larry's mom, who was I, what did I want. After a few minutes of explaining, he asked us to come inside. We sat down, he stood up. I still wasn't convinced he was happy we were there. I informed him that we had found a counselor that was willing to meet with Larry. That's unnecessary. I am his father and I will deal this. This was the first we knew of a father. He wanted nothing to do with us and certainly didn't need our help. He was still standing over us. Still irritated. He talks, about all sorts of things......apartheid......prison......babies.....boys. We listen. He talks, we listen. He eventually sits down. I breathe a bit easier. Finally, after a lot of listening and a bit of sharing my heart as both a pastor and a father, he agrees to a meeting with our counselor. We laugh, we hug, we talk about American movies, we laugh some more, this time at Coco's hair. It was an hour well spent. One perpetrator on the way to getting help, and maybe also some help for the family.
We head to Wally's. Going up the stairs we pass Wally coming down. No one's home he says. Don't mind me I answer, "I'm just going to double check." Wally has proven to be a liar. Still never admitting he did anything wrong. I knock on the door. A man answers. Questions and answers back and forth. No mom, no dad, just 3 brothers and a sister. 2 are working one is home and Wally just ran down the stairs. This may or may not come as a surprise, but most of these children are raised on the street. Looked after by only their friends. Oh, there are adults around, but this is not a village and there doesn't seem to be much community when it comes to looking after others kids. I have had groups of 5 year old ask me for rides to the mall 15 minutes away. I could have done it and no one would have ever known. I talk briefly about what I saw yesterday and how I would like to get help for Wally, just someone to talk to. Most perpetrators are also victims. He says he will speak to his brother and sister. We shake hands and I tell I will check back next week.
I see Wally on the side of the road messing with a cart that he was made from wood, wheels and some baskets. I ask why he lied about no one being home and he said his brother was sleeping. As we are talking he hears his brother in the distance yelling for him to come home. He is probably heading for a hiding (spanking) I say to Coco.
As we are leaving Ocean View to go shopping we see Timmy again on the side of the road. He tries to get into the car. I try and explain again. I don't think he understands. I will see you soon I say as we drive away.
Coco and my wife do some shopping as I have another meeting. I say maybe we should get something chocolate since he liked the cake so much. We grab some doughnuts. We head back to Ocean View. It took a little bit longer than I expected. About 3 hours I think had passed at this point. That was a long time for Timmy, apparently he didn't think we were coming back. All day today when we saw him he had that car from social services. We go inside the house and Coco gives him the clothes. We convince him to change tops. He looks very smart, and clean. The smile is back. We forgot pajamas so we let him know we will stop back by tomorrow. Still no word from his mother, and no other clothes. We hug and say goodbyes again.
We stop back by to remind the mom about dropping off clothes, but she isn't home.
We will see what Saturday brings.
Please continue to pray. Pray for Timmy. That he finds rest and peace at least for this weekend from his troubles. Pray for the abuse to stop. Pray for a long term solution that involves no more abuse.....ever. Pray for Larry and his family, that as we meet with a gifted counselor he can help unpack the pain and the hurt and help heal a family. Pray for Wally and his family to be open to get Wally the help that he needs so we can begin to stop the cycle. Pray for Ocean View, for God to move in spirit and in power. Pray for heeling and for the chains of bondage, abuse, and addiction to be broken.
Thank you saints. This is not a battle against flesh and blood.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
This 4th of July has been no Holiday!
Independence day is not a holiday here. No day off, no fireworks, no BBQ.
I went to work as normal. We meet for prayer every day at 9 AM. Some days there are 20, some days there are 4. Today there were 4. We spent time in prayer. I remember asking God to break my heart for what breaks His. Little did I know, not only would he break my heart, but he would show me what breaks His. It is literally almost too difficult to even speak about.
I don't blog a lot, ok hardly ever almost never. Much of what I do is very confidential and also very difficult to even speak about. My hope is that by writing this will help me process. Maybe, prayerfully, maybe someone may even be able to offer some advice. I won't mention actual names. I will for the sake of clarity give fictitious names to the people in my story.
I have started doing some volunteer work for the "yellow house". There are many groups that work out of this particular house. YWAM, All Nations, Baby Safe and a few independents. This house is located in the heart of Ocean View, near the flats. Very similar to the projects or other government style housing that you may be familiar with. The yellow house specializes in dealing with victims of sexual assault. Girls, boys, families, etc. But even more than that we deal with at risk youth of all types, ages, and sizes. We are there for crisis intervention. Each money we meet, pray, and talk about what's happening. Make a plan for who we need to see and then hit the streets. Meeting and praying with people along the way.
Often times, the yellow house we become a hang out for the children who live close to it. Especially when they notice certain peoples cars outside. We don't normally mind them playing in the garden, but sometimes they can get up to mischief. Yesterday some boys ended up on the roof of the house which was a big no-no, as well as starting fires and attempting to smoke different bushes out of the garden. Again, just being naughty.
We had finished praying and I had a client that came to the house for a 10:30 meeting. Another colleague also had a meeting happening in the kitchen. I noticed 3 young boys (10-12) came into the yard. I recognized a few of them from the day before. After a while I thought it was time for me to go and check on them and see what they were up to. I assumed the worst, probably smoking. Much to my shock, as I came around the corner, 1 kids was naked and pulling up his pants, I looked around him and saw the other 2 children engaged in the act of sexual molestation. All 3 participants were boys. I shouted and the 2 perpetrators quickly ran off before I could catch them. I went back to find the victim sitting on the wall of the property. Not knowing if he should jump and run or come back. I called him off the wall and asked him to come inside.
We chatted with him briefly about this not being ok. He told us that it has happened before, multiple times. I also learned that he also goes to a special school for the mentally challenged. He told us he was 8, but I learned later he was actually 12. I asked if he would like us to discuss this with his mom and he said yes. We couldn't find her and at the moment I had another client in the living room that I needed to get to. Oddly enough this other client is here for help in dealing with own 9 year old and 6 year old boys that had been molested by his peers. I told Timmy that I would make a few phone calls and come find him later.
After finishing up with my other client. I made a stop at the police station. Nothing could be done on this front without the parent. She was the only one that could file the charge. Next I head to social services where the lady I need to speak with is gone for the after noon. I head back to Timmy's house (victim). Hoping to find out more information on the mother in the hopes that I can get a hold of her and return to the police station.
She is still not home. The lady says try again after 5 oclock. As I am preparing to leave, I notice a picture on the wall. I asked who is this? That's my son Larry (perpetrator). Really? Larry was the one I saw molesting Timmy. I told her I saw him with Timmy. Yes I know but he said he wasn't the one doing anything, it was Wally (his friend). I said yes, Wally was there, but I saw Timmy with my eyes and explained to her what I saw. She was mad now. Mad at me or Larry or Timmy, I did not know, but she was mad. She left the house in a huff looking for the boys. I followed her. We found Larry in the library playing games. She brought him home. On the way we found Timmy and she brought him home. Some how when we got there, Wally was there as well.
Its important to remember that Timmy is mentally handicapped. As Larry's mother begins to question Timmy, he begins to laugh. She yells. This isn't funny. Don't laugh, why do you always laugh? Much of the conversation was in Afrikaans, which I don't understand. But I could tell both other boys were denying everything and blaming Timmy. Wally told me he was just going pee. Lots of finger pointing and lots of shouting.
Enough. I had enough. I know what I saw and I know who was doing what. I said I am taking Timmy with me. You can do what you want with your child and with Wally, but it is not safe for Timmy to be here. So I took Timmy and left.
I went back to the social workers office. Now they were closed for lunch. I went to one of the holiday clubs that was happening at the local Methodist church. I knew I could get some lunch for Timmy and maybe some answers as to what to do next. I was told that I did the right thing and now just had to wait for a social worker to come back after lunch. Then they would have to get involved and do something.
Speaking of lunch, I was hungry. Still had time to kill before the social workers were back. We went to the mall and grabbed some lunch.
We went back to social services. I met with the social worker. She knew Timmy and had worked with him several years prior to this. I told her the story, what I had seen, what I was told, and that he was living with his perpetrator. She said that there was no question that he needed to be removed, the question was whether or not she could find somewhere to take him. Dealing with older kids, twelve and up, plus his special needs would make it difficult. She asked if I could keep him for an hour while she made some calls.
I took him home. I fought the urge at first, but its too difficult to discuss these things with my wife without her knowing the faces. I also fight the urge of taking things home with me, but I felt like it was the right thing. A dog to lick his face, kids to give him high 5's. Not knowing what he's done, but just to show him love. Even Finley hugged his leg. He tried riding bikes. Took pictures on our phones. Took turns following different ones of us around. He is a 12 year old trapped in the body of a 7-8 year old with the same mental capacity. He says Yes to everything. Not knowing if he doesn't understand or just doesn't listen. But I believe him. I saw what happened. I believe him when he tells me this isn't the first time. He wants help. I tell him that we are trying to find a place for him to stay that will be safe. He said he doesn't want to play with Larry anymore. I think thats a good idea.
Back to Social Services. One of the teachers from his school said he would take Timmy. She will meet with the mother in the morning to see how to move forward. The only place for Timmy she says will be an institution. More than likely he would also be a victim there. So she says do you send him away to be molested by strangers or leave him home to be molested by people he knows? I said that both options suck and I don't like either one. She agrees, but says that's whats available.
For now, I know he can sleep safe tonight. Not sure how long it will last. I ask if he's ok. He manages a smile. I tell him I will find him tomorrow. We walk out to the car to fetch his cool drink and chips. We all say goodbye. He doesn't want to go. Slowly walks away. Two steps, turns around. Two steps, turns around. Sheesh this is harder than saying goodbye at camp. I roll down the window to say again I will see him tomorrow. I want him to know. I want him to know so much....He takes two more steps turns around. He reaches the door and wont go inside. Just watches as I drive away.
I took with me a letter that Social services asked me to drop by his house for his mother. Requesting that she come by tomorrow for a meeting. They told me she would be home at 5. I go back at 6. She's not there. But she is near by, so I go on a search. Everyone has seen her but doesn't know where she is. I recruit a friend who knows her to help me find her. We drive around. There she is. "You looking for me?" "Where's Timmy?" She's drunk. I can smell it. I tell her he is safe and I don't know where. She asks again. I tell her she must come by tomorrow to speak to social services. She doesn't even ask why he's been taken by social services. I don't try to explain. She walks away. She doesn't look back.
On a day where we, as Americans, celebrate Freedom and Independence I was surrounded by bondage. Something that is all to common here.
(We are finding that peer on peer molestation is a huge problem in Ocean View. In just 4 days I know of 3 different new cases. I know that social services is doing all they can and currently have a huge back log of cases and dozens of children that need to be removed. The problem at this stage is there is no where for them to go. The victims become perpetrators and the cycle continues. There has to be a better way.)
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