Face to Face with AIDS

Hello Friends, this is Shelby.  I don't blog much, but I have been asked to write about my exprience meeting Brians mom.  I am not as smooth sounding, nor a great writer like my wife, so please bear with me.  I am simply just telling my story.  It is a little long, so thanks for taking the time.

By 2010, sub-Saharan Africa will be home to an estimated 50 million orphaned children, and more than a third will have lost one or both parents to AIDS, according to a biennial report on global orphaning released today by USAID, UNAIDS and UNICEF.
The epidemic is wreaking havoc on a scale unimagined in sub-Saharan Africa. Home to two-thirds of all people living with HIV and three out of four people dying from AIDS, the proportion of children who have lost parents due to AIDS has risen from just under 2 per cent in 1990 to over 28 per cent in 2003. Since 2000, 3.8 million children have lost one or both parents to AIDS, and by 2010, 18.4 million children – more than one in three orphans – will have lost parents to AIDS.
In 11 of the 43 countries in the region, more than one in seven children are orphans. In five of those 11 countries, AIDS is the cause of parental death more than 50 per cent of the time.
http://www.orphansinafrica.org/unicef_report.htm

I could fill a page, if not an entire blog with statistics.  Yes, we are dealing with an orphan crisis here in South Africa, and there is no solution to that crisis that does not involve some sort of AIDS clause.  I don't have answers, or even an inkling of a soultion.  My response, one orphan at a time, one AIDS person at a time and just love the heck out of them.  I can not solve the crisis of 50 million children, or the 3 out of 4 people dying from AIDS but I can minsister to those who God puts in front of me, which brings me to my story....

So you have probably read about Brian coming to our house for the Holidays.  I did find out that Brians real name is Perservence Howard from his mother, but we will continue to call him Brian, that was his request.  We do not know much about Brian's father.  We know he was a white man, who at one time took good care of Brian and his mother.  But the story goes that one day he came for a visit and found Brians mother had been drinking away the support money he was sending for Brian and has not been back since.  I can neither confirm this story or that he is even still alive.  Brian has a younger baby brother and an older sister.  His mother has had 3 different husbands.  The older sister is staying with Brians aunt.  Brian is staying at Kulani Khale and the baby is staying with its paternal father.  This brings us to Brians mom.  I have asked before and was told she used to be very sick but had gotten better.  Right before Christmas I was told that she was sick and back in the hospital due to AIDS.  Brian had a desire to go see her, but we were told that it was not a good time and that she was very sick.  While Brian was here at our house, Lindiwie phoned and said that we could take Brian to see his mom now. 

I am not sure who was more nervous, probably me because I think that Brian had been to the hospital in the past to visit his mom, as for me, I had no idea what I was doing.  Lindiwie picks up Brian and I in her Buckee (truck) and we head out towards Bothas Hill.  This is about a twenty minute drive.  It was a road that I had traveled before.  In fact, for most of the trip I actually knew where I was, and then we took an unfamiliar right turn and headed down into the valley of a thousand hills.  Another right turn and we were headed down a dead end street that ended at the hospital.  I was informed as we were almost arriving that this was a TB hospital.  Apparently those with AIDS share the same hospital as those with TB.  Not that I don't have a healty fear of HIV, because I do, but I feel like I know a little more about how its spread and how not to get.  TB, on the other I still hold a healthy fear and respect for as I only know its airborne and that scares me.  Every where I go you see gates and fences and barb wire, but I guess part of me just doesn't expect to see those things at a hospital.  It felt more like I was a part of a prision ministry team then a hospital visitation team.  The road ended at the gate to the hospital.  It was pointed out to us that vistors were not allowed beyond the gates with their vehicles.  So we pulled off to the side and stepped out of the car.  One of the other things that is impossible to get used to here is the smell.  In addition to parking off the side of the road apparently it is a very popular spot for the cattle.  So, the combination of heat, recent rain, and cow patties was almost too much.  We were informed by security that we were about 45 mins from visting hours.  Lindiwie mentioned we could just wait in the car but in order to avoid waiting 45 mins in the heat and the awful odor, I suggested we go somewhere else to kill some time.  I knew of a small shop down the road where we could get some ice cream and walk around.

I could see a visible change in Brian, difficult to put a finger on it, but something had changed.  Maybe, he was more nervous than I was after all.  Can't even imagine what would be like going to visit your mother with AIDS at a TB hospital, so nervous or scarred either way were justified in my mind.  We return to the hospital, enter in past the gate and told we had about 5 more minutes.  There are many of places with gates and guards, but here there were like 3 or 4 at the same place at the same time which I had not seen before.  They are not professional security guards like you would imagine.  They were more like kids, listening to music on their phones and sipping sodas.  We waited.  There was an old church on the property where they still hold services on Sunday for the patients.  The guards checked Lindiwies purse and we were ok to go. 

This is the view after we passed the guard shack and church.  After they searched Lindiwie's purse I was nervous to take out my camera and start taking pictures so I just tried to sneak some pictures with my camera phone. 

We entered in, no reception, no one there to tell you were to go, you literally just walk right into the hospital.  Lindeiwie spoke with some nurses in Zulu and pointed to an area in the next room.  It was alot like how I picture hospitals used to be.  There were not individual rooms, but it was a big room, more like a, what you cal,l a ward I guess.  Lindiwie glances over the first couple of rows and keeps walking.  Brian looks a little more deliberatley at each person.  He walks up one row and down the other, then stops, does a double take, triple take, finally walks up beside the person and looks at them directly in the face and then calls Lindiwe back.  This was his mother.  I am taken back, still trying to take in the sights and sounds of the room.  There 20-25 women in this room.  Some with blank stares, staring off in the distance.  Others watching the one TV in the room playing some sort of judge wapner type show.  There were individual beds and curtains surrounding the beds.  But the curtains were all open and hung up in the ceiling.  My guess is they care more about a breeze than privacy.  I see old faces and young faces.  Some of them are in beds others look like grown up crips completly fenced in.  I stop now and focus on Brians mom.  She is wearing adult diapers and half naked.  We try to cover her up with a sheet as she slowly tries to roll herself over.  She reconizes Brian instantly and says softly "boy boy"  For much of the time we were there they spoke in Zulu.  Sometimes Lindiwie would translate, other times not.  I continued to take in the room.  Next to her was another girl, lying in her own puke.  On the other side a girl asked if she could use my cell phone.  Lindeiwie told her no in Zulu.  There was a large row of windows down one side of the building letting in a ton of light.  The was a sidewalk right out side and then right on the other side of that another building with another large row of windows.  Beyond the glass I could see young and old men.  Another ward just like the one I was in. 

I am not exactly sure how to spell her name.  Writing Zulu seems even more difficult that speaking it.  So I can hardly speak it let alone spell it.  But it would be something like Nunhlanhla (New-tanta).  She did speak some English but was soft spoken it was difficult to hear.  Seeing Brian visibly changed her countance.  We brought her some grapes which Brian set next to her in bed.  Each patient has a night stand and that is about it.  Some had juice and water and some fruit but that was about it.  I will ask next time if she has an English name that she goes by.  My first impression would be that this women was about 50-60 years old.  In reality she is about 30 something Lindiewie told me later.  I cant imagine her being any more than 100 pounds, probably closer to 80-90.  She was literally skin and bones.  This is the face of AIDS. 

There is something about her eyes.  I often wondered to myself if they were even working.  It would appear that she was looking right thru you to someone or somewhere else.  But, when Brian would speak, she would always be able to find him.

We eventually helped her to sit up, we even got a picture of her and Brian (sorry, they were on my actual camera that has since been dropped).  It is difficult for her to move much.  Every thing is slow and very deliberate.  I want to go back and visit if I am allowed back in the TB hospital.  (We are researching this further to see if there is a danger to our baby by my visting her or not.  So if you have some insight, please share.) I told her I would like to come back and see her and asked if there was anything she wanted.  She said Bananas, Apples, Juice, and a chicken pie.  Evidently they don't feed them very well.

As we left, I asked Brian if he wanted to pray with her and he said yes.  We all held hands and Brian prayed in Zulu.

I stopped and ask the nurse how she was, she said she was getting worse.  She used to be able to get up and walk around, but she is no longer able.  She will probably die of AIDS or maybe TB.  

This has been hard on Brian, he does not want to go back and has been very quiet about this when I have asked. 

Part of the problem with the AIDS statistics is that many of the poeple with HIV will die from TB and so their killer will be listed as TB, even though AIDS played a part in their body not being able to fight off TB.

(more on AIDS in South Africa and the connection with TB)
“We cannot fight AIDS unless we do much more to fight TB.” Nelson Mandela¹⁰⁵
Tuberculosis (TB) is the leading cause of death in South Africa,102 a trend that needs to be seen in the context of the HIV epidemic. People living with HIV are at a far higher risk of developing active tuberculosis as a weakened immune system will facilitate the development of the disease. Similarly, TB can accelerate the course of HIV. In countries with high HIV prevalence, TB has tripled in the past 15 years, which clearly illustrates the link between the two diseases.103

South Africa has one of the highest coinfection rates with an HIV prevalence of almost three-quarters among people with incident tuberculosis. Despite accounting for just 0.7% of the global population, the country accounts for 28% of the world’s people living with both HIV and TB.104 Fighting both diseases together, where appropriate, is seen as crucial:
http://www.avert.org/aidssouthafrica.htm

So I will press on towards the prize.  Loving one orphan at a time, one HIV person at a time.  Is everything perfect at Kulani Kahle, no not at all, but there are 25 children there all with a story, all who need to see and know and hear the love of the father. 

Romans 10:14 says, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in?  And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?  And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?"
And in Acts 4:20 we read, "As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

We will continuing working with Lindiwie and the children of Kulani Kahle.  Before we offer any sponsorhips or anything else there is some paper work and research that we need to do to get all of our ducks in a row. 
We have meetings set up and more to schedule, but will let you know in another blog somethings you can be praying about specifically.

I am excited about this year and to see what God has in store.  We are in this for the long haul.  We have been told by numerous people that it can take 5, 8, even 10 years of sowing in this environment before you start seeing fruit.  Thank you for allowing us to be here.  To  be the hands and feet.  To be the one to hug the orphaned and reach out and hold the hand of someone with AIDS.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  I know I have been a little all over the map, and maybe combined 2 or 3 blogs into one.  I should maybe try blogging more often to prevent this.

Boy Boy

Boy Boy is the Zulu name of the child that has been staying with us. When he came to be with us he asked if we could call him Brian, which we did. It has been a privilege to have him in our home. Tomorrow he has to go back to the orphanage, my heart is so sad about this.

I have kept our time with Brian quiet, private. It has been a sweet time for him and for us. I have learned so much from him and also have taken a closer look at what the Lord has called us to in taking care of orphans.
Do not deceive yourselves it is not glamorous, dont do it because it is the new thing to do, dont do it because you will feel good about yourself. Do it because we as the Christian church can do something about the orphan crisis. Do it because we are commanded to take care of orphans, do it because the Lord wants you to love one of the least of these.

I am going to start a little story and hope you can follow me: Let's go back to the beginning of when we all had our first child, we nourish, love, wash, change this child as he grows we teach them not to stick their fingers into electrical outlets and not to touch certain things. They learn the word No. They also learn love, and how to be gentle and kind. We teach our children to share, we pray with them and sing to them. Then there comes a time when we teach them how to use the potty. They learn to keep their things picked up, as they get older they learn to wash their own hair and keep all their parts clean.... The list goes on and on all the things we teach our children. It's our job, we love them and they need to know life skills.

But, there is a different way to grow up. I will give you Boy Boys story. First his name means boy! His mom named him Boy, that would be like me naming my daughter Brie, girl! That is why he asked if we could call him something else. His dad was a white man and his mom a Zulu woman. Brian's father took care of his mother financially when he found out she was pregnant. He even saw Brian when he was younger but then Brian's mother began to drink and use drugs again. When she did this his father would no longer support her financially. I am not exactly sure what all happened but I do know it led to boyfriends, AIDS and another child. Brian's mother will die from AIDS, she is dying in the hospital right now. His baby brother also is sick with AIDS, so is his Aunt.

Brian went and lived in an orphanage. I have also heart that his father is no longer alive. So, here he is still with one living parent, but an orphan. Now he comes to my home. He is very sweet and very respectful, he is the first to get up and obey, he shares, and he has soaked up Jesus. Today the boys were doing something and I overheard Eli say why cant I do... blah blah blah and Brian said just ask Jesus to help you. He said it so matter of fact and so Eli did and then could do whatever it was that he had wanted to do and Brian said "See I told you". I love that he has fallen on Jesus.

I have to say though it has not been easy. Remember all that training we do with our children, well he had nobody training him. Basically, all the Zulu people go to the bathroom outside, just wherever they stand if they have to go, they will. It is quite disgusting. Using a bathroom on a regular basis was a big change. He couldn't make it into the toilet. The toilet and the floor where constantly wet and yucky. He did learn pretty quick because I had him mop and clean the toilet everytime he made a mess. It worked and he learned. We also had a huge, disgusting mess with the toilet brush and #2. I cant even talk about it without puking so just know it was horrible, but he just did not have training and also did not know to ask for help. When you have to be self sufficient from a young age you dont know you can ask mom and dad to help. It is heartbreaking.

He will at times just go and get under the bed and cover himself with a blanket. If he thinks he did something wrong, or if the kids are fighting he will hide. When you discipline an orphan plan to spend some time explaining that you still love them but your job as the mommy, daddy is to help them make wise decisions. With my kids I can discipline and be done, they know I love them, we have a relationship. With a little boy that hasn't been loved or taught all he knows is anger and abuse. Discipline with love is something new. We have had to work on his oral fixations, he chews on everything... plastic, playing cards, toys, marbles, stuff off the ground, or his thumb. It is a comfort for him to have something in his mouth. We have worked on it and talked about his feelings and he is doing so awesome with this.

I have seen in just a month this beautiful boy blossom. My heart aches that he has to go back. South Africa does not look kindly on international adoption... stupid!!! Our only hope would be that his dying mother would let us keep him. We have already had his relatives ask us for money... sheesh!

All this to say, he is a beautiful boy, a child that the Lord knit together. He longs for love even though he was never shown it. We had awesome times, we also had gross, hard times. He learned, I taught and learned. My kids were not always happy, there was adjusting on all our parts. Yet, in the end no one wants him to go. It has not been easy, yet the Lord was here and blessed. He even enjoyed Skyping with Meme and Pepaw in the States. He became one of the boys.

Please pray for Brian as he goes back to the orphanage. He does not want to go. He has asked if we can just have him go to a school by us. I dont want him to think we dont want him. I also hate to think all that we trained and taught will be lost in just a few short weeks upon him going back into the orphanage environment. Please pray that if there is a way and the Lord desires that He will show us if we are to pursue getting him. The Lord would have to provide.

If you are interested in adoption I think lots of people just talk about the joy. There is joy and redemption is awesome, but and it is a big BUT, there is a lot of hard work. After you come home from the airport life changes and you need to be willing to put the work in, to decide to love everyday. You need to be prepared to not be selfish, sacrifice for the sake of this child (or children). The Lord will be blessed your family will be blessed and so will the heart of an orphan. Do it my friends, embrace the hard, dirty life and follow the Lords call. You wont walk alone. There are so many others walking this road, you will always have support.

I hope you hear my heart. I never want to embarrass Brian. He was only doing the best with what he was taught. I do want you to see how a child grows up and compare it to how we raise our own kids. Each kid deserves that life. Each kid deserves to go to bed knowing they have parents and are loved. Each kid needs parents to go to when they dont know what to do.... The list goes on. I love seeing redemption in Brian in only a few short weeks. My prayer is the Lord will continue to redeem and hopefully maybe even with us again.

Pray for us for tomorrow!!! It is going to be rough on us all! I'm already crying!

Blessings friends,
Andrea

Jesus the reason for every season

He isn't just for this season He is for every season, day and moment. His road isn't easy, often is hard. His way is hardly ever our way and His time is most definitely not our time. Yet, He is the only reason we life and breath.

Our first Christmas away from home was bittersweet. Lovely because we are blessed to be with our family and we were blessed to see our children's happy faces. Bitter because we miss our families back home and know they miss us. Blessed because we know we have eternity with them because they know Jesus too.

Tomorrow we will continue with Jesus. Putting off our flesh and putting on Christ. Remembering that He died so that we may live and give our lives back to Him daily.

Merry Christmas and remember Jesus is the reason for everything!

Andrea and the Render gang