Boy Boy

Boy Boy is the Zulu name of the child that has been staying with us. When he came to be with us he asked if we could call him Brian, which we did. It has been a privilege to have him in our home. Tomorrow he has to go back to the orphanage, my heart is so sad about this.

I have kept our time with Brian quiet, private. It has been a sweet time for him and for us. I have learned so much from him and also have taken a closer look at what the Lord has called us to in taking care of orphans.
Do not deceive yourselves it is not glamorous, dont do it because it is the new thing to do, dont do it because you will feel good about yourself. Do it because we as the Christian church can do something about the orphan crisis. Do it because we are commanded to take care of orphans, do it because the Lord wants you to love one of the least of these.

I am going to start a little story and hope you can follow me: Let's go back to the beginning of when we all had our first child, we nourish, love, wash, change this child as he grows we teach them not to stick their fingers into electrical outlets and not to touch certain things. They learn the word No. They also learn love, and how to be gentle and kind. We teach our children to share, we pray with them and sing to them. Then there comes a time when we teach them how to use the potty. They learn to keep their things picked up, as they get older they learn to wash their own hair and keep all their parts clean.... The list goes on and on all the things we teach our children. It's our job, we love them and they need to know life skills.

But, there is a different way to grow up. I will give you Boy Boys story. First his name means boy! His mom named him Boy, that would be like me naming my daughter Brie, girl! That is why he asked if we could call him something else. His dad was a white man and his mom a Zulu woman. Brian's father took care of his mother financially when he found out she was pregnant. He even saw Brian when he was younger but then Brian's mother began to drink and use drugs again. When she did this his father would no longer support her financially. I am not exactly sure what all happened but I do know it led to boyfriends, AIDS and another child. Brian's mother will die from AIDS, she is dying in the hospital right now. His baby brother also is sick with AIDS, so is his Aunt.

Brian went and lived in an orphanage. I have also heart that his father is no longer alive. So, here he is still with one living parent, but an orphan. Now he comes to my home. He is very sweet and very respectful, he is the first to get up and obey, he shares, and he has soaked up Jesus. Today the boys were doing something and I overheard Eli say why cant I do... blah blah blah and Brian said just ask Jesus to help you. He said it so matter of fact and so Eli did and then could do whatever it was that he had wanted to do and Brian said "See I told you". I love that he has fallen on Jesus.

I have to say though it has not been easy. Remember all that training we do with our children, well he had nobody training him. Basically, all the Zulu people go to the bathroom outside, just wherever they stand if they have to go, they will. It is quite disgusting. Using a bathroom on a regular basis was a big change. He couldn't make it into the toilet. The toilet and the floor where constantly wet and yucky. He did learn pretty quick because I had him mop and clean the toilet everytime he made a mess. It worked and he learned. We also had a huge, disgusting mess with the toilet brush and #2. I cant even talk about it without puking so just know it was horrible, but he just did not have training and also did not know to ask for help. When you have to be self sufficient from a young age you dont know you can ask mom and dad to help. It is heartbreaking.

He will at times just go and get under the bed and cover himself with a blanket. If he thinks he did something wrong, or if the kids are fighting he will hide. When you discipline an orphan plan to spend some time explaining that you still love them but your job as the mommy, daddy is to help them make wise decisions. With my kids I can discipline and be done, they know I love them, we have a relationship. With a little boy that hasn't been loved or taught all he knows is anger and abuse. Discipline with love is something new. We have had to work on his oral fixations, he chews on everything... plastic, playing cards, toys, marbles, stuff off the ground, or his thumb. It is a comfort for him to have something in his mouth. We have worked on it and talked about his feelings and he is doing so awesome with this.

I have seen in just a month this beautiful boy blossom. My heart aches that he has to go back. South Africa does not look kindly on international adoption... stupid!!! Our only hope would be that his dying mother would let us keep him. We have already had his relatives ask us for money... sheesh!

All this to say, he is a beautiful boy, a child that the Lord knit together. He longs for love even though he was never shown it. We had awesome times, we also had gross, hard times. He learned, I taught and learned. My kids were not always happy, there was adjusting on all our parts. Yet, in the end no one wants him to go. It has not been easy, yet the Lord was here and blessed. He even enjoyed Skyping with Meme and Pepaw in the States. He became one of the boys.

Please pray for Brian as he goes back to the orphanage. He does not want to go. He has asked if we can just have him go to a school by us. I dont want him to think we dont want him. I also hate to think all that we trained and taught will be lost in just a few short weeks upon him going back into the orphanage environment. Please pray that if there is a way and the Lord desires that He will show us if we are to pursue getting him. The Lord would have to provide.

If you are interested in adoption I think lots of people just talk about the joy. There is joy and redemption is awesome, but and it is a big BUT, there is a lot of hard work. After you come home from the airport life changes and you need to be willing to put the work in, to decide to love everyday. You need to be prepared to not be selfish, sacrifice for the sake of this child (or children). The Lord will be blessed your family will be blessed and so will the heart of an orphan. Do it my friends, embrace the hard, dirty life and follow the Lords call. You wont walk alone. There are so many others walking this road, you will always have support.

I hope you hear my heart. I never want to embarrass Brian. He was only doing the best with what he was taught. I do want you to see how a child grows up and compare it to how we raise our own kids. Each kid deserves that life. Each kid deserves to go to bed knowing they have parents and are loved. Each kid needs parents to go to when they dont know what to do.... The list goes on. I love seeing redemption in Brian in only a few short weeks. My prayer is the Lord will continue to redeem and hopefully maybe even with us again.

Pray for us for tomorrow!!! It is going to be rough on us all! I'm already crying!

Blessings friends,
Andrea