Yesterday was a pretty crazy day. Watching my American friends attempt to light some fireworks in the hectic wind and the sand helped me to forget about it for a little while. Returning home my thoughts turned to Larry and his contagious smile. The smile that wasn't there as I drove away from the social worker.
This morning I go back to the social worker to let her know about my conversation with Timmy's (victim) mom. She had already been there a whole 30 minutes early. She didn't even contest the removal. Which is good news because it means at this stage the court doesn't have to get involved. Which gives the social workers time to access the situation and see what the options are. It a temporary win for now, but we are still praying for a long term win for Timmy. Home at least for right now, cannot be the only option.
One thing that the social worker said to me yesterday has been stuck in my head. If no one works with the perpetrators the cycle will never stop. They will just find another victim. One of the perpetrators, Larry, mother had told me yesterday that she also wanted help for him because he was also the victim in another recent sexual assault. I told her I would make some calls and try to find someone.
So today my goals were to see Timmy, find help for Larry, and try and connect with Wally's family. Wally, as of yesterday was still denying any involvement at all. Saying that the reason he was naked was to use the bathroom.
I went to a school where a friend of mine was running a holiday club for the kids with a team of youth from his home church in PA. This friend is very qualified in counseling and has already agreed to see one of my victims in another case. I approached him today about meeting with one of the perpetrators in my new case and he agreed. That's good news.
Next I wanted to head to the other holiday club where I was hoping they might have brought Timmy today. However there was no one there. I decided to go back to social services and see if they would let me know where he was staying so I go see him. We checked in at the front desk and sat down in the waiting room (whatever you are picturing in you head at this moment is much more glamorous I can assure you). Sorry, I keep saying we. We have a wonderful friend from the states here visiting with us for 2 months. Her name is Nicole. She is working alongside me in Ocean View with one of the ministries that work out of the yellow house called Baby Safe. During the holidays here everything slows down a little bit and so she and I have been working together on some cases. So, we sat down and much to our surprise Timmy came running around the corner. I guess he heard us speaking to the receptionist. His smile was back as he held up this huge toy car. He disappeared again around the corner but we could hear the noise of his car. He stuck his head back around and said the social worker was calling for me. The man where he is staying was in the office and she introduced us. He said we must have been the people that he kept talking about. Brie had made a cake yesterday and before he left the house we gave him a piece. Apparently he really likes chocolate cake. We asked if the mom had delivered any of his things yet and they said no. We noticed he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. We exchanged phone numbers and address with the man and told him we were going to go and get some things and then be back later in the afternoon. Timmy wanted to go with us but I told him we would see him later. As difficult as it is we can make things so good for him that he no longer wants to go back home or to the safe house or anywhere. So there are times that we will do things to help distract them, but for the most part its better to be as hands off as possible and allow him to connect to those he is staying with. Yesterday, may have been a bit too much. I have a connection with a couple of agencies that offer clothing for free, but Coco instead on letting them keep that for another time and she wanted to shop for Timmy.
So we left Timmy again with the promise that we would be back. He tried to follow us to the car and we explained the plan again. We headed to try and find Larry's mom. We had tried about 3 times already, but she either wasn't home or she was sleeping. This time when we knocked on the door we were greeted by a man. He was a grumpy man. He was a scary man. He seemed a bit agitated. Why was I looking for Larry's mom, who was I, what did I want. After a few minutes of explaining, he asked us to come inside. We sat down, he stood up. I still wasn't convinced he was happy we were there. I informed him that we had found a counselor that was willing to meet with Larry. That's unnecessary. I am his father and I will deal this. This was the first we knew of a father. He wanted nothing to do with us and certainly didn't need our help. He was still standing over us. Still irritated. He talks, about all sorts of things......apartheid......prison......babies.....boys. We listen. He talks, we listen. He eventually sits down. I breathe a bit easier. Finally, after a lot of listening and a bit of sharing my heart as both a pastor and a father, he agrees to a meeting with our counselor. We laugh, we hug, we talk about American movies, we laugh some more, this time at Coco's hair. It was an hour well spent. One perpetrator on the way to getting help, and maybe also some help for the family.
We head to Wally's. Going up the stairs we pass Wally coming down. No one's home he says. Don't mind me I answer, "I'm just going to double check." Wally has proven to be a liar. Still never admitting he did anything wrong. I knock on the door. A man answers. Questions and answers back and forth. No mom, no dad, just 3 brothers and a sister. 2 are working one is home and Wally just ran down the stairs. This may or may not come as a surprise, but most of these children are raised on the street. Looked after by only their friends. Oh, there are adults around, but this is not a village and there doesn't seem to be much community when it comes to looking after others kids. I have had groups of 5 year old ask me for rides to the mall 15 minutes away. I could have done it and no one would have ever known. I talk briefly about what I saw yesterday and how I would like to get help for Wally, just someone to talk to. Most perpetrators are also victims. He says he will speak to his brother and sister. We shake hands and I tell I will check back next week.
I see Wally on the side of the road messing with a cart that he was made from wood, wheels and some baskets. I ask why he lied about no one being home and he said his brother was sleeping. As we are talking he hears his brother in the distance yelling for him to come home. He is probably heading for a hiding (spanking) I say to Coco.
As we are leaving Ocean View to go shopping we see Timmy again on the side of the road. He tries to get into the car. I try and explain again. I don't think he understands. I will see you soon I say as we drive away.
Coco and my wife do some shopping as I have another meeting. I say maybe we should get something chocolate since he liked the cake so much. We grab some doughnuts. We head back to Ocean View. It took a little bit longer than I expected. About 3 hours I think had passed at this point. That was a long time for Timmy, apparently he didn't think we were coming back. All day today when we saw him he had that car from social services. We go inside the house and Coco gives him the clothes. We convince him to change tops. He looks very smart, and clean. The smile is back. We forgot pajamas so we let him know we will stop back by tomorrow. Still no word from his mother, and no other clothes. We hug and say goodbyes again.
We stop back by to remind the mom about dropping off clothes, but she isn't home.
We will see what Saturday brings.
Please continue to pray. Pray for Timmy. That he finds rest and peace at least for this weekend from his troubles. Pray for the abuse to stop. Pray for a long term solution that involves no more abuse.....ever. Pray for Larry and his family, that as we meet with a gifted counselor he can help unpack the pain and the hurt and help heal a family. Pray for Wally and his family to be open to get Wally the help that he needs so we can begin to stop the cycle. Pray for Ocean View, for God to move in spirit and in power. Pray for heeling and for the chains of bondage, abuse, and addiction to be broken.
Thank you saints. This is not a battle against flesh and blood.
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