Lowlights

2014 is rapidly winding down.  This year has been a bit of blur, but alas, we look to 2015 with great expectation.  Many, while reflecting on 2014 will share some highlights.  These are great and I have many highlights from this year, but I also have some lowlights from this year.  So, although not your typical end of year reflection, here are some of mine. They are not events in particular, rather some areas of my life I would like to improve on.

I struggle with anger.  I yell a lot.  I don’t know if its a family curse or what, but it has been a pretty constant struggle.  You can ask my neighbor.  We live in fairly close proximity.  My friend Phil Pechonis shared a story once of him and his wife fighting early on in their ministry while they were living in community with others.  They would whisper to each other, “I hate you”.  While the other would whisper back, “Well I hate you too.”  I often times, will feel like this, but often unable to contain myself to a whisper.  This year seems like it was a bit worse than normal.  For 2015, I want more joy.

I struggle with worry, which usually leads to stress.  99% of this stems from finances.  We have seen God do amazing things this year in our finances.  Almost every month we had a short fall, but every month the perfect amount would come in.  EVERY MONTH!  In addition we owed $6000 for school fees this year and another $6000 in airline tickets for outreach as part of school.  God provided for all of it.  I have seen him come thru over and over and over again.  But for some reason, I still worry.  Still doubt.  Still stress.  Still try and figure things out on my own.  For 2015, I want to trust him more.  No matter what the circumstances.

I am a fault finder.  Its my default mode.  No matter what is done, I will first notice what hasn’t been done.  This is great maybe if you're a consultant or something, but when you're a father, missionary, and a husband, its a terrible default mode.  There is so much positive happening all around that its a shame to always waste time focusing on the negative.  For 2015, I want to be able to see the good, in things and in people and to also be able to affirm those things.  

This is no New Years resolution, but just things that I want to work on.  There were lots of amazing things that happened in 2014 and  I am looking forward to lots of changes in me for 2015.  

Happy New Year Friends